Recipe for Afghanistan

• 50,000 years of history

• 262 years since establishment

• 32,000,000 inhabitant

• 5 major languages

• 30 minor languages and dialects

• 5 religions, all in constant conflict

• $2-3 Billion in annual international assistance

• Several years of civil war

• 5 years of Taliban rule

• 8 ongoing years of war

Mix all ingredients with hostility until they reach a very dry consistency. Poor into a 251,772 square miles pan. Bake at 500 degrees Fahrenheit for many hours. Let sit in the sun. Divide into 34 provinces, all landlocked.